Wake Up Call

As previously stated, my visit with the urologist went okay… if “okay” means I had to get someone with a PhD to explain my own anatomy to me. I started off by trying to convince him that I did, in fact, find a problem; something was very wrong. “I’m very familiar down there,” I said, completely forgetting that I was talking to another man, let alone a man who specializes in dealing with other men’s junk. Because, you know, only a select few are as familiar down there as I am. And I left his office blushing, stuttering and embarrassed. But the good news was that I’m fine and don’t require the amputation of anything. Nothing better than that.

As for my Scumbag coworker, well, I made sure things really cooled off. We didn’t talk for weeks, save for a smile in passing or a hey or hi. Then he took a week of vacation. And I took a few days off the following week as a birthday gift to myself. Every time I’d walk by his office, I’d hope he wouldn’t acknowledge me. Most of the time he didn’t. I had a gut feeling that I wouldn’t have to worry about the tension for very much longer.

And I was right. Only a day after I returned back to work, the gossip about his firing spread like wildfire. Many were shocked - I was not one of them. But I had to walk by his office to see if it was true, and it was. All his stuff was gone. I took a moment to be thankful that he didn’t come to say goodbye, not that he’s that type of person anyway.

See, when he wasn’t cruising sex ads online, he was doing any of your garden-variety activities of dumbass things that dumbasses do at work. He mentioned to me that he liked to crank call people who bothered him on his home phone line. So when someone told me he was fired for making crank calls, I didn’t flinch. I did flinch, though, when I was told that he was crank calling our customers.

“Seriously!? How did they know it was him?” I asked.
“Management tracked the complaints and found out they were all his customers.”

Omigod. Not only were they company customers, but they were the customers for whom he was the very representative. Unbelievable.

“So they tapped his phone line and recorded him doing it.”

I’m dying to hear this tape. I’m told he made no denials. He could’ve taken the Republican approach and simply said “I don’t recollect,” which always works for them, but I know he leans more to the left. My manager told him that business was bad enough without him chasing away the customers, “get the fuck out of here.”

Shortly after he left, I felt free to snoop a little more and opened his work email (which obviously was no longer his). More cruising sex ads, etc., blah blah, but one caught my eye. He had a date with a transsexual from Cincinnati. A date involving a fee. A fee that must be paid in cash.

Suddenly I felt completely freed of all compulsions, closed his email, and was thankful that he is gone.